A Dog’s Christmas Promises – A Doggy Wonderland

Christmas is for humans, and I will
not ruin the surprises by opening all their presents.

Christmas light bulbs, Christmas
ornaments, Christmas stockings, and tinsel from the Christmas tree are not
food.

I am the alpha dog, therefore I do
not need to protect my new Christmas rawhide from the omega dog
by taking it outside to eat when the wind chill is -10 F.

I will not demolish the Christmas
tree and drag the string of lights out into the backyard through the doggy
door.


I will not dive into the Christmas
tree to get the candy canes (which I will eat — paper and all).

I will not eat my Christmas doggie treats until
after they’re out of the stocking!

I will not even THINK about going
underneath the Christmas tree and piddling on the dining room rug.

I will not get into a fight with the
bigger dog next door, making my human have to call the vet’s at Christmas.

I will not get tangled up in the
Christmas tree lights and pull the tree down while trying to get at a cat
through the conservatory window.

I will not pee on Grandma’s
Christmas presents that are under her tree as soon as we enter her house.

I will not pee on the Christmas
tree.

I will not steal the neighbor’s
Christmas light bulbs.

The bowl underneath the Christmas tree is not a
dog dish. I will not drink from it. It will make me sick.



A DOGGY WONDERLAND


Dog tags ring, are you
listenin’?  
In the lane, snow is
glistenin’.  
It’s yellow, NOT white – I’ve been
there tonight,  
Marking up my winter
wonderland.  
  
Smell that tree? That’s my
fragrance.  
It’s a sign for wand’ring
vagrants;  
“Avoid where I pee, it’s MY
pro-per-ty!  
Marked up as my winter
wonderland.”  
  
In the meadow dad will build a
snowman,  
following the classical
design.  
Then I’ll lift my leg and let it go
Man,  
So all the world will know
it’s  
mine-mine-mine!  
  
Straight from me to the
fencepost,  
flows my natural incense
boast;  
“Stay off of my TURF, this
small piece of earth,  
I mark it
as my winter wonderland














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