Bipolar Disorder: We Experience Things Differently Than Others | bpHope
I feel things in extremes, I never am ambivalent over something. I remember as a child and a teenager being pulled aside by teachers because I spoke not only too much but I spoke my mind too much and ‘let my emotions get the better of me’. I had my sensitivity put down to numerous things such as it was normal behavior for my star sign, the fact I’m an only child or that I’m just overly fragile and should stop taking things to heart.
The thing is, I wish being this way was as simple and easy as it is to write this. I am the only person in my family with a mental illness and whilst people around me try to be supportive, it is something they will never truly understand. It is extremely isolating and isn’t something I can grow out of. I find having bipolar disorder to be indescribable and hard to cope with. Most of the time I don’t know why things set me off and trying to explain situations to others makes me feel worse.
Try explaining to someone that when walking from the train station to university, you had a panic attack because every single person was actually watching every single move you made or why you got so furious and engulfed with rage at the person driving in front of you just because of the make of their car or even why you woke up uncontrollably crying and it took someone actually holding you for an hour to make you feel somewhat in control of yourself.
This lends me back to what I began this piece with: bipolar disorder means you are different to the person standing next to you because of the way you feel and process emotions. I tell myself this so many times a day and it still helps me cope with the isolation and confusion I experience.