often hear people say they love their partner more today than they did the day
they married them. To me that sounds a
bit cliché and not quite accurate. Don’t
get me wrong, I don’t love him any less, but I wouldn’t have married him if I
wasn’t head over heels in love with him.
What I can say is that I like him more today than I did the day we were
married. Does that sound strange? Let me try to explain.
We’ve known each other
for 22 years, been together for 20 and married for 18. Of course, I liked him when we got married,
but the more you know someone, the more you like or dislike them. Over the course of these past 18 years I have
gotten to know the man my husband was and watched him mature and grow into the
man he is today.
He has always supported
me in whatever I want to do and has been my strength when I needed to do things
I couldn’t have done alone. He has never
wavered when my health suffered and has spent many nights on the couch because
he was afraid of disturbing me during the night and he wanted me to get the
best rest possible. I never wonder or
worry about having his support, I know it will be there. Even if he doesn’t agree, he will never let
me stand alone.
Even now, I learn new
things about him. Sometimes those things
are profound and I can’t believe I didn’t know that already and sometimes, not
so much (like last week when I found out he’s kinda named after Jerry Lewis? Eww).
I’m not saying it’s been
perfect or easy. We have been tested by
illness, our families, and sometimes life in general. Occasionally we get on each other’s nerves
and once or twice a year there may even be a silent treatment thrown in for a
couple hours. However, you will be hard
pressed to see us out and about not holding hands or with my arm in his, we
never go a day without saying “I Love You” at least a couple of times, and he
comes to the bedroom every night to tuck me and the dogs in and give us all
good night kisses.
So, while I love him and
can’t imagine my life without him, I truly like, and have a deep respect for him
as a man, a friend, a lover, a protector, and most of all, as my husband.
The Art Of A Good Marriage
Wilferd Arlan Peterson
Happiness in marriage is not something that just happens.
A good marriage must be created. In marriage the little things are the big things. It is never being too old to hold hands.
It is remembering to say “I love you” at least once a day.
It is never going to sleep angry. It is at no time taking the other for granted; the courtship should not end with the honeymoon, it should continue through the years. It is having a mutual sense of values and common objectives. It is standing together facing the world. It is forming a circle of love that gathers the whole family.
It is doing things for each other, not in the attitude of duty or sacrifice, but in the spirit of joy. It is speaking words of appreciation and demonstrating gratitude in thoughtful ways.
It is not looking for perfection in each other. It is cultivating flexibility, patience, understanding and a sense of humour.
It is having the capacity to forgive and forget. It is giving each other an atmosphere in which each can grow old. It is a common search for the good and the beautiful. It is establishing a relationship in which the independence is equal, dependence is mutual and the obligation is reciprocal. It is not only marrying the right partner; it is being the right partner.
I told Jerry we’d stop celebrating chemo-versary at 10 years, maybe it was getting to be a bit much. He said we were going to keep celebrating because every chemo-versary is another year he has his wife with him. So, even after this one, we will keep celebrating.
To celebrate, I got my first mammogram. Put it off for 2 years, dreaded getting
it. Was in and out in 45 minutes and the
hardest part was trying to keep my balance when they were trying to get a
certain angle on my medi-port scars.
This is one instance where I think big boobs are a blessing. You just slap that girl up on the plate and
the top plate comes down, a gentle squish, 20 seconds and all done. I think ladies with small boobies have it
rougher because there is probably some tugging involved to get the girls to
stay in place.
I have been fortunate in that even though my Hodgkin’s was
advanced (Stage 3B), we were able to treat successfully and I have had no recurrence. One thing I do find peculiar is that know
that my immune system is suppressed from irreversible damage done by the
cancer, I actually get sick less. Weird,
Part of it is that I do pay more attention to people sniffling
around me, stay properly hydrated, and take vitamins religiously. I think a larger part is that I had a very
strong immune system to begin with even though it didn’t seem like it.
When I was little, I remember my mom sending me to play with
Shauna when she had the chicken pox hoping I would get them and get it over
with (it took another 7 years, damn younger brothers) and having perfect
attendance. I just didn’t really get
sick except the occasional earache. Fast
forward 20 years and if someone sneezed near me I got the flu! Total reversal! This went on for almost 8 years. Thankfully Hodgkin’s is a slow progressing
form of Lymphoma or I might not be here today.
I look back on it now as my body was busy fighting the cancer undetected
for several years and figured,
“Hey, I’m a little busy in
here. I’ll handle keeping these tumors
at bay, but you are gonna have to take one for the team and handle the