“Since WDOK in Ohio decided to pull “Baby it’s Cold Outside” from its playlist because someone was offended, I feel that these other holiday songs must also be removed as they are offensive as well. Do so immediately.
1. I Saw Mommy Kissing Santa Claus: subjecting minors to softcore porn
2. The Christmas Song: Open fire? Pollution. Folks dressed up like Eskimos? Cultural appropriation
3. Holly Jolly Christmas: Kiss her once for me? Unwanted advances
4. White Christmas? Racist
5. Santa Claus is Coming to Town: Sees you when you’re sleeping? Knows when you’re awake? Peeping Tom stalker
6. Most Wonderful Time of the Year: Everyone telling you be of good cheer? Forced to hide depression
7. Rudolph the Red-Nosed Reindeer: Bullying
8. It’s Beginning to Look a Lot Like Christmas: Forced gender-specific gifts: dolls for Janice and Jen and boots and pistols (GUNS!) for Barney and Ben
9. Santa Baby: Gold digger, blackmail
10. Frosty the Snowman: Sexist; not a snow woman
11. Do You Hear What I Hear: blatant disregard for the hearing impaired
12. Have Yourself a Merry Little Christmas: Make the yuletide GAY? Wow, just wow
13. Jingle Bell Rock: Giddy up jingle horse, pick up your feet: animal abuse
14. Mistletoe and Holly: Overeating, folks stealing a kiss or two? How did this song ever see the light of day?
15. Winter Wonderland: Parson Brown demanding they get married…forced partnership”
OMG! I died reading these! I’d say 90% of them are exactly me!
A couple of my favorites! The dogs are so me and hubby!
You’ve watched the movie “Deliverance” and you’re afraid to go on a camping trip. Ever.
You think Heinz Ketchup is SPICY!
For breakfast you’d rather have potatoes than grits.
You can name at least 4 hockey teams.
You’ve never eaten Okra.
You wonder why people in restaurants don’t talk as loud as you do.
You have never planned your summer vacation around a gun & knife show.
You don’t have any problems pronouncing “Worcestershire sauce” correctly.
You’ve never had grain alcohol.
You are familiar with all the rules to Lacrosse.
You have no idea what a polecat is.
You don’t see anything wrong with putting a sweater on a poodle.
You’ve never had bangs.
You’d rather vacation at Martha’s Vineyard than Six Flags.
You don’t have at least one can of WD-40 somewhere around the house.
You would rather have your son become a lawyer than grow up to get his own TV fishing show.
You refer to two or more people as “you guys” instead of “y’all”.
You think more money should go to important scientific research at your university than to pay the salary of the head football coach.
You prefer a bagel over a donut.
You don’t know anyone who goes by both their first and middle names.
You get freaked out when strangers in public talk to you.
You don’t know what a Piggly-Wiggly is.
You think NASCAR stands for the North American Society for…(something)
You eat fried chicken with a knife and fork.
You use the horn in your car more than once or twice a year.
Everything you know about the Civil War you learned watching TV.
You don’t “reckon.”
You’re not “fixin” to do anything.
You know the difference between a hissie fit and a conniption, and that you don’t “have” them, you “pitch” them.
You know how many fish, collard greens, turnip greens, peas, beans, etc. make up “a mess.”
You know exactly how long “directly” is _ as in: “Going to town, be back directly.”
You can rent a movie and buy bait in the same store.
“Ya’ll” is singular and “all ya’ll” is plural.
After five years you still hear, “You ain’t from ’round here, are Ya?”
“He needed killin’ ” is a valid defense.
Everyone has 2 first names: Billy Bob, Jimmy Bob, Mary Sue, Betty Jean, etc.