My Sisters in Law and the Wizard of Oz

So, when I was ordering my sister-in-law an awesome pair of pink shoes with little shiny, silver spikes, it occurred to me that my Sisters in Law are just like the Wizard of Oz!

Let me explain…

I have Glinda, the Good Witch of the North (who lives in Maine).  She is the sweet, kind-hearted sister in law that I just refer to as “my sister” because  I love her so much.  I am so fortunate to finally have sister in my life and to have her is awesome.  
The anime picture above is for her because she loves anime.

And then there is the Wicked Witch of the West 
(who, concidentally lives in California). 
It is fitting that Baum didn’t giver her a name because we never bother talking about her, so a name is irrelevant as it applies to this allegory.  She is a pointy chinned, obsessive, vindictive shrew who delights in making others miserable.  

She even has her own Winged Monkey who is apparently intelligent enough to speak and follow her commands, but not enough so to formulate intelligent thought.

Too bad a simple bucket of water won’t dispense of her…

Marriage equals ?


Click Read More below for a link to larger, easier to read “Marriage =”

View Larger Image of Marriage Equals

Examples of a true “biblical” marriage. In modern society only one of these examples survives.  If we’ve come this far, who cares if a man wants to marry a man or a woman wants to marry a woman.  Denying them that privilege would mean that the only logical conclusion would be to re-adopt all of the above rules of marriage defined in the bible.

  • I can’t imagine having to marry the boy that raped me my Senior Year of high school 
  • If I ever lost my husband, I would kill myself before marrying my Brother in Law Jef (though I would marry my gay BIL Donald)

Moving up in the world

Well today I learned that if you google “woman cute dogs” my blog comes back as the 113th result.  Woohoo!  Guess I’ll have to work harder to bet into the double digits.

I am now up to 9 countries that have blog readers.  This week readers from Algeria and Bangladesh joined the fray.

In other news:

Of course, my mother who proclaims me to be the worst person on the face
of the planet simply because I don’t think it revolves around her, still makes up 17% of all hits to my blog when you total hits from her office, home and boyfriends apartment.  The weirder thing is that she actually downloads and saves stuff from my blog. Creeeepy!

My bitch of a sister in law makes up another 10%.  She spends hours sometimes just trolling through the archives.  She’s turned into a cyber stalker.  She definately has some issues and is one taco short of a combination plate.  I mean anyone that leaves dirty diapers around until maggots grow on them can’t be normal, right?

What this means?  At least once a day the only 2 people that I don’t want any drama from cannot help themselves but to read my little blog here to see if I’m talking about them. 

So to make them happy, there, now I’ve talked about you.  Now go find yourselves a life so you don’t have to keep obsessing about mine!

On the brighter side! 
Jerry has a 3.5 day weekend so it will be nice to hang with him.  After 12 years of marriage I still love spending time with him (most of the time). 

There’s only 64 days left until the move.  Our realtor, Jody, has already put out feelers looking for a place.  This week I took a huge bag of clothes to consignment and donated some others and  I donated all my wigs to SLEW Wellness Center

Today I “re-packed” all my grandmothers Noritake china into double walled, heavy duty boxes for long term storage.  I hate lugging it all over the country but no one in the family seems to want it and it should remain in the family, so I’ll hold onto it for the next generation, which as it stands is only my nephew, Logan.

Fork Etiquette – Another Pet Peeve

I am in no means claiming to be Ms Suzy Manners or to posess perfect table etiquette, BUT, this one thing that I do notice and it annoys me! People who hold their forks and use them to illustrate points flicking little bits of food and saliva all over the table are one, but my BIGGEST pet peeve is holding the fork like a barbarian.

My BIL is the worst example I have ever seen of this. As a Navy Officer you would think they would have has SOME sort of basic etiquette instruction, but sadly his manners and etiquette did not improve. He holds his fork encased in his entire fist in a way that is hard to mimic and even harder to describe with words.

The best way I can describe it, is to imagine you were born without thumbs, and place the fork (or spoon) in your fist with all four fingers encasing it and using your wrist, either pierce or scoop the food onto the utensil (if it won’t go on the utensil, use your fingers to give the food a nudge) and twist your wrist around to your mouth.

Now try that at home. It is very awkward. Watching it is completely appalling and barbaric. We only ate in public with him once after we were married because between the fork and his other table etiquette, it was embarassing.

Fork etiquette in Western social settings takes two primary forms. In the European style style, the diner keeps the fork in his or her left hand, while in the American style the fork is shifted between the left and right hands. Both styles are common in the United States[3] but the American style is almost completely unknown and considered improper in other countries.[4]

European style

The European style, also called the continental style, is to hold the fork in the left hand and the knife in the right throughout consumption. Once a bite-sized piece of food has been cut, it is conducted straight to the mouth by the left hand. There is no need to put down the knife.
The hand grasp is also different; outside of the US it is considered better manners not to hold a knife or fork as one would hold a pen, but instead to have the handle running along the palm and extending out to be held by thumb and forefinger. This style is sometimes called “hidden handle”. This method is also common in Canada and other former parts of the British Empire. In contrast to the American method of using a fork much like a spoon (tines up), in this style of eating the tines must be pointed down.
The cause of the difference in custom is uncertain. It is believed to have originated because the 17th century American colonists had established themselves before the fork, and any custom of its use, had become widespread in Europe. The implement did not become widespread in Europe (certainly northern Europe) until the 18th century, and was not adopted in the United States until the 19th century. The American use of blunt-ended knives was also a factor.[citation needed]

American style

In the American style, also called the zig-zag method, the knife is initially held in the right hand and the fork in the left. Holding food to the plate with the fork tines-down, a single bite-sized piece is cut with the knife. The knife is then set down on the plate, the fork transferred from the left hand to the right hand, and the food is brought to the mouth for consumption. The fork is then transferred back to the left hand and the knife is picked up with the right.[3][5]

Little sad this Easter…Missing my nieces and nephew

Every Easter, Christmas and Birthday we deposit money into the accounts we opened for our twin nieces and our nephew when they were born.  As I transfer the funds into their accounts today, it is making my mind wander to both a happy and a sad place.

Easter 2004 – Our Backyard

 I’m sad…
Our nieces will be 10 this year.  3 months after they were born we were offered a free house that would have taken me back to Massachusetts to be near my family and we turned it down because we really wanted to be here and see our nieces grow up.  Not being able to have children ourselves, we wanted to be around for them and be an awesome Aunt and Uncle.

March 2007

Unfortunately my BIL’s first wife came to her senses and realized how immature, irresponsible and what a liar her husband was, so she divorced him. 
Additionally, all the decent girls he dated after also dumped him when they realized how immature he was and the only girl that would have him is also a compulsive liar and a bit psycho.  Because of all the damage she has done to the entire family and all the lies he has told, we haven’t been able to see our nieces since December 2009.  Now that we are relocating to the East Coast and they are living in California, it is a realization that we probably will not see them again until they are 18, which makes us sad.

However, I’m VERY happy…
Our nephew Logan is 28 months and we had a wonderful visit with him in December and will be going back again later this year.  We are currently 2200 miles away from their home in Portland, ME.  After our move to Virginia in 98 days, we will only be 650 miles away from them, making it much easier to see them every few

Logan Easter 2011

months.  I think I’ll have to buy them a futon chair so they have someplace for Auntie to sleep on her many long weekends up there.  Microfiber Suede Futon Bed

My baby brother found an awesome woman to spend the rest of his life with and I look forward to watching them blossom. 

I have a very kind Uncle, a wacky Aunt and an awesome gaggle of cousins that I look forward to seeing on a more regular basis and finally being close enough to attend family functions like holidays and weddings.

Hope everyone has a Happy Easter!

How to Deal With a Narcissist

I found this article interesting because although I don’t think Narcissism is hereditary, it seems to run in my family.  My grandmother always had to stear the conversation to her and my mother downplays her kids feelings unless they further her goals and if you disagree with her she makes sure everyone knows how wrong she thinks you are and turns the family against each other.  She also gets very upset if her children communicate without her playing intermediary.  

My family is not immune.  My brother in law also thinks the world revolves around him, thinks that everyone is wrong if they don’t agree with him and to make matters worse, he married a prissy, snob that also believes the world revolves around her and if you’re not complimenting her on how wonderful she is all the time, she runs off crying because she’s not getting all the attention.  It’s really quite surprising she is such a snotty bitch.  She grew up without plumbing in the Appalachian Mountains or some other hillbilly place.  She won’t allow leftovers to be put in her fridge, she won’t even eat in a kitchen if a trash can is kept in the room.  They can’t even pay their bills because they spend all their money on crap like IPhones for 10 year olds, trips to Hawaii and flat screens for every room in the house all the while bouncing checks all over the country for stuff like electricity!

Here’s the article:

As a psychiatrist, I strongly believe that it is important to know about the narcissistic personality so you can have realistic expectations when dealing with coworkers, friends or family members who may have some of these qualities.

In “Emotional Freedom” I describe how to recognize a narcissist. Here are some ways: Their motto is “Me first!” Everything’s all about them. They have a grandiose sense of self-importance and entitlement, crave admiration and attention. A legend in their own mind, the world is reflected in their image. They’ll corner you at a party, recount their life saga. Some narcissists are unlikable, flagrant egotists. Others can be charming, intelligent, caring — that is, until their guru-status is threatened. When you stop stroking their ego or beg to disagree, they can turn on you and become punishing. Once you catch onto this pattern, a narcissist seems about as charming as a banana peel.

These people are so dangerous because they lack empathy, have a limited capacity for unconditional love. Sadly, their hearts either haven’t developed or have been shut down due to early psychic trauma, such as being raised by narcissistic parents, a crippling handicap both emotionally and spiritually. The damage of narcissistic parenting is outstandingly detailed in Alice Miller’s “Drama of the Gifted Child.” Hard as it may be to comprehend, these people have little insight into their actions, nor do they regret them. Though often highly intuitive, they mainly use intuition for self-interest and manipulation. As the Hassidic proverb cautions, “There is no room for God in him that is full of himself.”

To find out if you’re dealing with a narcissist, ask yourself the following questions from “Emotional Freedom.”

QUIZ: Am I in a Relationship With a Narcissist?

Does the person act as if life revolves around him?

Do I have to compliment him to get his attention or approval?

Does the person constantly steer the conversation back to him or herself?

Does he or she downplay my feelings or interests?

If I disagree, does he or she become cold or withholding?

If you answer “yes” to one or two questions, it’s likely you’re dealing with a narcissist. Responding “yes” to three or more questions suggests that a narcissist is violating your emotional freedom.

Narcissists are hard nuts to crack. With these patients, the best I can do is align with their positive aspects and focus on behaviors that they agree aren’t working. Still, even if one wants to change, progress is limited, with meager gains. My professional advice: Don’t fall in love with a narcissist or entertain illusions they’re capable of the give and take necessary for intimacy. In such relationships you’ll always be emotionally alone to some degree. If you have a withholding narcissist spouse, beware of trying to win the nurturing you never got from your parents; it’s not going to happen. Also, don’t expect to have your sensitivity honored. These people sour love with all the hoops you must jump through to please them.

If a narcissist is draining you emotionally, use these methods to get your power back.

Lower Your Expectations and Strategize Your Needs

Keep your expectations realistic.

Enjoy their good qualities, but understand they’re emotionally limited, even if they’re sophisticated in other ways. Accepting this, you won’t continue asking something of friends, family, or coworkers they can’t give. Consider this definition of insanity: when you repeat the same actions but expect a different response.

Never make your self-worth dependent on them.

Don’t get caught in the trap of always trying to please a narcissist. Also protect your sensitivity. Refrain from confiding your deepest feelings to someone who won’t cherish them.

Show how something will be to their benefit.

To successfully communicate with narcissists, frame things this way. Stating your needs clearly rarely works, nor does getting angry, or demanding. Alternatively, speak to what means something to them. Instead of saying to your spouse, “I’d really enjoy going to a family dinner,” reframe it as, “Everyone really likes you. They’d be delighted to have you there.” Or instead of saying to your employer, “I’d prefer to work fewer nights,” say, “I can bring in more revenue for your company during these hours.” Naturally, it’s better not to have to contend with the tedious ego-stroking of a narcissist. But if the relationship is unavoidable, use this technique to achieve your desired outcome.

Judith Orloff MD

How to Deal With a Narcissist – Video


Feels like the first day of school…

Tonight I feel like a kid the night before the first day of school!  I start my new job tomorrow (pic is of my new boss Bill).  I already filled up the electric kettle (which is NOT the same as a teapot if you are an idiot that never listens and only thinks of themselves like my BIL and new bitch-in-law, but I digress), got my cup all ready with my local honey, 2 cubes of brown sugar and my English Breakfast Tea.  Would have preferred Irish Breakfast Tea, it is darker and a bit stronger that English, but I didn’t want to open a new box yet. 
I am excited and a bit nervous.  I will be bookkeeping with Quickbooks, but I’ve never used Quickbooks.  I bought the Quickbooks for Dummies and of course, the Quickbooks Bible. 

For anyone that wants to learn ANY computer program, I HIGHLY recommend the Dummies series and if you want to REALLY get into a program or there is a program you use every day, you MUST own the Bible Series for those programs.  I have a Bible for every program I have used going back to Excel 97.

Click Here to see the “Bible Series” at Barnes & Noble. Worth every penny!!!

I am confident that it will only take me a couple of days to get the feel for Quickbooks and maybe a couple of weeks to master it.  No!  I am not being cocky!  I am just VERY confident in my computer skills.

I’ve laid out my outfit for tomorrow, made Jerry’s lunch and only have to get my briefcase together.  I’ve tried several hairstyles this weekend since I have let my bangs grow out for the first time since high school and I think I’m all ready for tomorrow!

I haven’t seen my therapist since I got a job, but I think Dr. Smith would be happy.  She won’t be happy that I missed my outing with friends last Friday because of an arthritis flare up, but I have my anti-inflammatory now so I’m all good.  My “therapy homework” is to go out with someone who is not my husband every week.  This will help the Agoraphobia and I’m supposed to be working on building lasting relationships with people other than Jerry to help repair all the damage my mother did by making me go to 17 different schools.  Dr. Smith thinks that changing schools so often affected my ability to form and maintain long term friendships. 

So to all my friends, I am sorry if I have not been there for you or have appeared to “blow you off”.  It’s not you it’s me and I hope you’ll forgive me and help me become a better person!!

I affectionately call it the “Fight Club Syndrome”.  Edward Norton talks about people on the plane at the begin of the moving and describes them as “Single Serving Friends”. 

Life is a work in progress!  If you stop trying to be a better person and make life better, you might as well give up now.