Chuckle for the Day – A week in the life of IT Tech Support


User called to say they forgot password. Told them to use password retrieval utility called FDISK. Blissfully ignorant, they thank me and hang up. God, we let the people vote and drive, too?

Accounting called to say they couldn’t access expense reports database. Gave them Standard Sys Admin Answer #112, “Well, it works for me.” Let them rant and rave while I unplugged my coffeemaker from the UPS and plugged their server back in. Suggested they try it again. One more happy customer…

8:14 am
User from 8:05 call said they received error message “Error accessing Drive C.” Told them it was an OS problem. Transferred them to microsupport.

11:00 am
Relatively quiet for last few hours. Decide to plug support phone back in so I can call my girlfriend. Says parents are coming into town this weekend. Put her on hold and transferred her to janitorial closet down in basement. What is she thinking? The “Myst” and “Doom” nationals are this weekend!

11:34 am
Another user calls (do they ever learn?). Says they want ACL changed on HR performance review database so that nobody but HR can access database. Tell them no problem. Hang up. Change ACL. Add @MailSend so performance reviews are sent to */ALL.

12:00 pm

3:30 pm
Return from lunch.

3:55 pm
Wake up from nap. Bad dream makes me cranky. Bounce servers for no reason. Return to napping.

4:23 pm
Yet another user calls. Wants to know how to change fonts on form. Ask them what chip set they’re using. Tell them to call back when they find out.

4:55 pm
Decide to run “Create Save/Replication Conflicts” macro so next shift has something to do.


8:30 am
Finish reading support log from last night. Sounded busy. Terrible time with Save/Replication conflicts.

9:00 am
Support manager arrives. Wants to discuss my attitude. Click on PhoneNotes SmartIcon. “Love to, but kinda busy. Put something in the calendar database!” I yell as I grab for the support lines, which have (mysteriously) lit up. Walks away grumbling.

9:35 pm
Team leader from R&D needs ID for new employee. Tell them they need form J-19R=9C9\\DARR\K1. Say they never heard of such a form. Tell them it’s in the SPECIAL FORMS database. Say they never heard of such a database. Transfer them to janitorial closet in basement.

10:00 am
Perky sounding intern from R&D calls and says she needs new ID. Tell her I need employee number, department name, manager name, and marital status. Run @DbLookup against state parole board database, Centers for Disease Control database, and my Oprah Winfrey database. No hits. Tell her ID will be ready tonight. Drawing from the lessons learned in last week’s “Reengineering for Customer Partnership,” I offer to personally deliver ID to her apartment.

10:07 am
Janitor stops by to say he keeps getting strange calls in basement. Offer to train him on Notes. Begin now. Let him watch console while I grab a smoke.

1:00 pm
Return from smoking break. Janitor says phones kept ringing, so he transferred them to cafeteria lady. I like this guy.

1:05 pm
Big commotion! Support manager falls in hole left where I pulled floor tiles outside his office door. Stress to him importance of not running in computer room, even if I do yell “Omigod — Fire!”

1:15 pm
Development Standards Committee calls and complains about umlauts in form names. Apologizing for the inconvenience, I tell them I will fix it. Hang up and run global search/replace using gaks.

1:20 pm
Mary Hairnet from cafeteria calls. Says she keeps getting calls for “Notice Loads” or “NoLoad Goats,” she’s not sure, couldn’t hear over industrial-grade blender. Tell her it was probably “Lettuce Nodes.” Maybe the food distributor with a new product? She thinks about it and hangs up.

2:00 pm
Legal secretary calls and says she lost password. Ask her to check in her purse, floor of car, and on bathroom counter. Tell her it probably fell out of back of machine. Suggest she put duct tape over all the airvents she can find on the PC. Grudgingly offer to create new ID for her while she does that.

2:49 pm
Janitor comes back. Wants more lessons. I take off rest of day.


8:30 am
Irate user calls to say chipset has nothing to do with fonts on form. Tell them Of course, they should have been checking “Bitset,” not “chipset.” Sheepish user apologizes and hangs up.

Support manager, with foot in cast, returns to office. Schedules 10:00am meeting with me. User calls and wants to talk to support manager about terrible help at support desk. Tell them manager about to go into meeting. Sometimes life hands you material…

10:00 am
Call Louie in janitorial services to cover for me. Go to support manager’s office. He says he can’t dismiss me but can suggest several lateral career moves. Most involve farm implements in third-world countries with moderate to heavy political turmoil. By and by, I ask if he’s aware of new bug which takes full-text indexed random e-mail databases and puts all references to furry handcuffs and Bambi Boomer in Marketing on the corporate Web page. Meeting is adjourned as he reaches for keyboard, Web browser, and Tums.

10:30 am
Tell Louie he’s doing great job. Offer to show him mainframe corporate PBX system sometime.

11:00 am

4:55 pm
Return from lunch.

5:00 pm
Shift change; Going home.


8:00 am
New guy (“Marvin”) started today. “Nice plaids” I offer. Show him server room, wiring closet, and technical library. Set him up with IBM PC-XT. Tell him to quit whining, Notes runs the same in both monochrome and color.

8:45 am
New guy’s PC finishes booting up. Tell him I’ll create new ID for him. Set minimum password length to 64. Go grab smoke.

9:30 am
Introduce Louie the custodian to Marvin. “Nice plaids” Louie comments. Is this guy great or what?!

11:00 am
Beat Louie in dominos game. Louie leaves. Fish spare dominos out of sleeves (“Always have backups”). User calls, says Accounting server is down. Untie Ethernet cable from radio antenna (better reception) and plug back into hub. Tell user to try again. Another happy customer!

11:55 am
Brief Marvin on Corporate Policy 98.022.01: “Whereas all new employee beginning on days ending in ‘Y’ shall enjoy all proper aspects with said corporation, said employee is obligated to provide sustenance and relief to senior technical analyst on shift.” Marvin doubts. I point to “Corporate Policy” database (a fine piece of work, if I say so myself!). “Remember, that’s DOUBLE pepperoni and NO peppers!” I yell to Marvin as he steps over open floor tile to get to exit door.

1:00 pm
Oooooh! Pizza makes me so sleepy…

4:30 pm
Wake from refreshing nap. Catch Marvin scanning want ads.

5:00 pm
Shift change. Flick HR’s server off and on several times (just testing the On/Off button…). See ya tomorrow.


8:00 am
Night shift still trying to replace power supply in HR server. Told them it worked fine before I left.

9:00 am
Marvin still not here. Decide I might start answering these calls myself. Unforward phones from Mailroom.

9:02 am
Yep. A user call. Users in Des Moines can’t replicate. Me and the Oiuji board determine it’s sunspots. Tell them to call Telecommunications.

9:30 am
Good God, another user! They’re like ants. Says he’s in San Diego and can’t replicate with Des Moines. Tell him it’s sunspots, but with a two-hour difference. Suggest he reset the time on the server back two hours.

10:17 am
Pensacola calls. Says they can’t route mail to San Diego. Tell them to set server ahead three hours.

11:00 am
E-mail from corporate says for everybody to quit resetting the time on their servers. I change the date stamp and forward it to Milwaukee.

11:20 am
Finish @CoffeeMake macro. Put phone back on hook.

11:23 am
Milwaukee calls, asks what day it is.

11:25 am
Support manager stops by to say Marvin called in to quit. “So hard to get good help…” I respond. Support manager says he has appointment with orthopedic doctor this afternoon, and asks if I mind sitting in on the weekly department head meeting for him. “No problem!”

11:30 am
Call Louie and tell him opportunity knocks and he’s invited to a meeting this afternoon. “Yeah, sure. You can bring your snuff” I tell him.

12:00 am

1:00 pm
Start full backups on UNIX server. Route them to device NULL to make them fast.

1:03 pm
Full weekly backups done. Man, I love modern technology!

2:30 pm
Look in support manager’s contact management database. Cancel 2:45 pm appointment for him. He really should be at home resting, you know.

2:39 pm
New user calls. Says want to learn how to create a connection document. Tell them to run connection document utility CTRL-ALT-DEL. Says PC rebooted. Tell them to call microsupport.

2:50 pm
Support manager calls to say mixup at doctor’s office means appointment cancelled. Says he’s just going to go on home. Ask him if he’s seen corporate Web page lately.

3:00 pm
Another (novice) user calls. Says periodic macro not working. Suggest they place @DeleteDocument at end of formula. Promise to send them document addendum which says so.

4:00 pm
Finish changing foreground color in all documents to white. Also set point size to “2” in help databases.

4:30 pm
User calls to say they can’t see anything in documents. Tell them to go to view, do a “Edit — Select All”, hit delete key, and then refresh. Promise to send them document addendum which says so.

4:45 pm
Another user calls. Says they can’t read help documents. Tell them I’ll fix it. Hang up. Change font to Wingdings.

4:58 pm
Plug coffee maker into Ethernet hub to see what happens. Not (too) much.

5:00 pm
Night shift shows up. Tell that the hub is acting funny and to have a good weekend.


Native Union – Moshi Moshi Pop Phones – AWESOME!!!

 I simply had to write about my new toy.  Plug it in, set your ringtone to “Classic Ring” or “Old Fashioned” depending on your phone, then sit back, close your eyes and wait for a phone call. 
If you were born before 1985, you will be instantly transported back to your teen years.  Long nights spent gabbing on the phone to your BFF about the cute boy in class while your parents are yelling at you in the background to stop tying up the phone line (remember, there was only one phone in the house and most of us didn’t have call waiting until the 90’s) twisting the cord around your fingers until it was so mangled when you hung up the phone the cord was now permanently stuck in a big ball! 
Ahhhhhh… I can almost smell the Aqua Net!

But I digress.  I saw Lenny Kravitz using one of these in a tabloid photo a few weeks ago and couldn’t figure out why he had a handset sticking out of his pocket.  Upon further investigation I discovered, the POP Phone.
I used to talk on the phone quite a bit, but as the cell phone gained popularity and LAN phones went by the wayside I found myself talking on the phone less and less.  Now, my talk time averages less that 10 minutes a month.  I text, IM and chat.  Even my husband and I use Google Chat from work and home, it’s just so much more convenient.
The main reason I slowly stopped using the phone is that I felt stupid asking people to repeat themselves so often.  I have a hard time hearing what people are saying with all the static, ambient noise, cutting in and out, etc…
I ordered a POP phone mainly for Skype-ing with my Brother and Sister-in-Law from my computer, but I also have an iPod (4th), iPad (1st) and a Blackberry so I figured for $30 it worked with all my devices so what the hell.  So far I’m in love!
It feels smooth, it is a standard size, plugs into a headphone jack and has a connect/disconnect button on the inside of the handle.  Best of all…it has a curly cord! 
Now for the sound check I plugged POP into my Blackberry Curve 8320 in San Antonio, TX and called my brother on his cell in Portland, ME. When I first said Hello, I though we had gotten disconnected until I looked at my screen.  There was no static, no ambient noise!  The noise canceling technology used is quite good.  I heard my brother talking crystal clear and I only heard him!  Not his TV in the background or the traffic.  It was quite remarkable!  When I asked him how I sounded he could hear me fine as well.
I may just start talking on the phone more.  It was very comfortable to hold between my shoulder and cheek, didn’t get all sweaty or hit buttons on my phone with my chin, I didn’t have to make sure it was charged and linked like a Bluetooth headset and if are one of those people that worry about radiation, this decreases it by 99%.
PS.  If you’re on my Xmas list, better comment below and tell me what color you like!  You might be getting one….. just sayin.
Check out their website for other cool, yet more expensive products that allow you to do more things with your phone.

Well, We Cut the Cord…Cable TV Gone

One more wasted payment every  month gone!  It was a complete unnecessary luxury item and we spend more time on our computers with the TV just as background noise.
We finally did it!  We decided to cancel our DirecTV.  We have an AppleTV and we subscribed to Netflix streaming for $7.95/month.  It really makes sense because most of the shows we like to watch have ended and all the shows we currently watch can be either viewed on Netflix or purchased through iTunes.  Even purchasing season passes to our shows on iTumes at $30 a pop is cheaper than $70 a month for basic cable when annualized.
I used to read all the time and even though Jerry bought me a Sony Ereader, that is awesome, I only read at the gym on cardio days.  I hope to change that.  I want to rediscover reading.

I no longer use my Sony Reader, so it will be going in the eBay pile as I prefer to read on my iPad.  I love the way the ‘paper’ looks on the Sony and our Kindle (yes, were are gadget junkies) but on the ipad there is no need for a light at night.  Besdies, with the Kindle App I can go back and forthe between the Kindle and my iPad without losing my place.  In a real pinch, I could pick up a book with my Blackberry Kindle App if I was stuck in really boring meeting!
Amazon is having a $.99 cent sale until the 15th so I downloaded several books and am ready to roll!  The $$ we are saving is going straight into our luxury savings account (where we save all our spare change for vacations, special items, etc…).  We saved enough in spare change the first 5 years of our marriage to pay for a trip to Ireland.  It is getting harder as we rarely carry cash anymore so we have found other ways, like the example posted here, to add funds to that account every month.

Security: Remote Wipe for your Blackberry, iPhone, iPad, iPod Touch

If you are anything like me, your entire life is in your smartphone. 

These types of services are neccessary in this day of smartphones and I use a similar service on my iPad and my Blackberry.  My husband just got an Android Smartphone and we haven’t addressed security concerns on his phone yet.

Below are some ideas that can help make your personal data more secure should your device fall into nefarious hands.  Hope you find it helpful.

Sprint is offering a service called ‘Total Equipment Protection App’ for customers using their “Total Equipment Protection’ plan. However at $7 a month, I’m too cheap to pay that.  That’s $84 a year that is pretty much wasted on us.  We don’t have a tendency to lose or break phones and the 2 times in the past 10 years we’ve needed a replacement phone, I purchased off of Ebay.

BLACKBERRY – If you lose your BB, you do want to notify your carrier to deactivate your device so the “borrower” cannot use it.  However, first of all you should look at applications that are avail in the BB App World.  Smart Lock & Wipe at a bargain price of $0.99 will allow you to remotely lock/wipe your device so no one has access to your personal info.  There is another app called Emergency Lock & Wipe that cost $4.99 however the details given do not indicate if this can be done remotely.

You can also set a password on your BB that will automatically wipe all data after 10 incorrect entries.  To access this feature, go to Options-Security Options – General Settings.

APPLE –  offers their MobileMe application at a subscription rate of $99 per year, which seems a bit steep to me.  If you currently have an iPod, iPhone or iPad, you can access the site for free and login to locate your device and send a message to the screen along with a 2 minute alarm that overides silent mode.  If unable to locate your device, you can use their site to remotely lock and wipe your device back to factory settings so your personal info is removed.  To use, goto If it says it cannot locate your device, leave the page open for a few minutes, it took about 5-10 minutes to find my iPad on the map.

You can also set a PIN number for your device in the Settings that will automatically wipe the device if an incorrect password is entered 10 times.  I usually keep this turned off, but do turn it on when my iPad goes out in the world with me.